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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Polled Lefties

I see Jordan Carter has been extremely quiet now for nearly three days. Could it be that the polls are getting to him? Are we dealing with a new breed of commentator - the Polled Leftie?

In my world of pastoral agriculture there are significant livestock breeds which bear some similarity. Polled Hereford, Polled Angus, Polled Dorset and so fourth and so fifth. Well they actually are 'Poled' but we won't let that get in the way. The main characteristic of these breeds is that they have had the pysical characteristic of horns bred out of them.

Yes, they have been genetically engineered by a centuries long process of careful selection to produce offspring which are hornless as well as gormless and today in New Zealand we have seen the emergence of a new breed of political commentator and activist, the Polled Leftie. And just like cattle, it seems some have been neutered along the way and have found themselves jobs as politcal journalists whose purpose is to give us our daily bum steer..

This new mutated 21st century version of the once robust 19th century political activist is the product of close genetic selection and inbreeding within the Labour community, combined with careful nutrition over decades. Generations of Leftie offspring have been fed a carefully contrived diet of dogma and bullshit produced in and controlled by the intellectual nutritionists of University political studies departments, the feed mills of socialism. Unfortunately, as with many feed mills there have been problems with contamination and just recently we have seen in NZ the first evidence of Kreutzfelt Jakob or Mad Cow desease - The Greens. In three weeks time, thousands of Polled Lefties will be slaughtered and cast into large deep pits.

Like their bovine cousins, Polled Lefties find themselves reduced to vigorously shaking their heads in frustration and bellowing as the events of the world pass them by. No longer capable of delivering a striking blow to the vitals of their opposition they are rendered impotent, unable to gore even a neophyte first time candidate for Waichopatitri, let alone land a decent shot on an oppostion leader.

For the last three days they have been unable to mount any serioust comment. Instead, they have wheeled out the incoherent ramblings of poor old phil u.

Posted by Adolf Fiinkensein | 8/28/2005 08:43:00 pm


Blogger Gooner said...

Jordan hardly ever posts on the weekend. Don't know why.

8/28/2005 09:17:00 pm  
Blogger Murray said...

No one pays him to.

8/28/2005 09:21:00 pm  
Blogger Whaleoil said...

He hardly ever posts because the proletariat at Marions HQ wouldn't like to see him with a laptop which he doesn't own because he can't afford it because labour taxes us too much, and his government paid job doesn't let him take one home either.

Don't worry he will burst forth with some piffle about how great everything is for labour, how Helen has so much probity and how the Don is in the pocket of (insert current evil)

8/28/2005 09:23:00 pm  
Blogger Lucyna said...

I was wondering how the Greens came to be. Thanks for explaining that, Adolf. :P

8/28/2005 09:33:00 pm  
Blogger Murray said...

I thought it involved some combination of floating and a pond.

8/28/2005 09:58:00 pm  
Blogger Paul said...

You call them the "polled ones", interesting, I grew up round bloodstock, we called them the "off ones".

8/28/2005 10:03:00 pm  
Blogger Paul said...

Murray, no that's called transendation if you are a Greenie, most of us ordinairly describe it getting rightly pissed and falling into a sedentation pond at the sewerage works on the way home.

8/28/2005 10:17:00 pm  
Blogger Paul said...

BTW, I have never transended, but when I was 17 I had a Mk2 Ford Escort that did, but that's another story.

8/28/2005 10:30:00 pm  
Blogger Lucyna said...

Oh no, what to believe ... (now that I'm in the right place).

8/28/2005 10:33:00 pm  
Blogger Jordan said...

Actually, I was at work all weekend. Also as Gooner points out, I don't much post on weekends. I'm too busy out campaigning.

But thanks for your concern, righties. It gives me a nice warm glow. :-)

8/28/2005 11:37:00 pm  
Blogger Keith said...

Best description of lefties yet. Hilarious.

8/29/2005 08:26:00 am  

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