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Sunday, June 05, 2005

That just takes the biscuit

Joanne Black started it off with an opinion piece in the Listener about Cullen’s pathetic tax cuts. Lucyna blogged about it. It lead to me defending Joanne’s gratuitous use of children, the bus trips, the library overdue fines (thanks Joanne - I'm not the only one whose noticed) in her article. I thought it helped to relate to that ever decreasing social antiquity - the traditional family. When most of the Labour benches are filled with people still acting like small children, it is hard not to keep drawing the same parallels.

Joanne theorised Cullen was like one of those kids allowed to have a chocolate biscuit, and instead takes six. I always wondered about those kids who saw nothing wrong with taking more biscuits than they were allowed. They grow up to be socialists.

Presumably Cullen will redistribute the biscuits, but I wouldn't be surprised if he licks them first and only the people that don't say oooh-yuck will be prepared to nibble on them. Or maybe once he has his stack of biscuits he then goes to school and admonishes those kids who have not saved up their biscuits for a rainy day.

Young Brash would be incredulous that Cullen had simply taken all the biscuits, Brash not even having asked for a single bikkie. He was kind of hoping his Mum would just pop one in the lunch box.

Young Rodney would have suggested that his Mum give him the equivilent in cash, so he could decide if he was going to buy a biscuit or perhaps go for a sausage roll.

Young Winston would have issued a general demand for two bikkies, on the basis that some-one probably got to the packet before he did, and undue favouritism has been shown to siblings making it mandatory he get a little more.

Little Peter Dunne would be willing to trade his apple and orange in exchange for one of Cullen's bikkies.

Wee Jeanette would have home baked hers, and be actively trying to swap them with some-one else because they taste bloody awful.

Rod Donald would be refusing to eat his bikkie until Tibet was freed, school monitors were allowed to be present during corporal punishment of students and Benson-Pope had been made to give all the tennis balls back to the gym teacher.

Miss Helen (she wasn't married back then) would have convinced the school newspaper to run an article how the average student was better off since a general policy of all parents providing 6 biscuits each day. Any parents not providing that amount were really holding the school back. With Cullen collecting the biscuits, Helen would be in a position to provide at least one biscuit to students that suffered poor marks, with the balance being used up in additional adminstrative costs and apportionment of biscuits to be used when students make it to college.

In summary, I think Joanne Black’s comparisons are much easier to understand than all of Cullens fancy accounting talk. Still, when NZ tires of endless commentary, it would be nice to find the Listener with a few more in depth articles explaining just how many hands are in the cookie jar.

Posted by ZenTiger | 6/05/2005 01:17:00 pm


Blogger Phantasmagoric Political Junkie said...

Rod Donald not MacDonald, although he would be quite insulted if you had put Ron McDonald...

Young Brash would have promised other people two bikkies while knowing full well that there would not be enough for everyone.

And I have to say, the scheme announced by Cullen were not tax cuts, they were not meant to be. It was simply to avoid 'fiscal creep' (not the man in the dark alley) by adjusting the tax thresholds for inflation.

6/05/2005 01:33:00 pm  
Blogger ZenTiger said...

Rod Donald. Oh yes, how silly of me. Got confused with my hamburglar post (saved for another day).

I'll correct the transcript now.

6/05/2005 01:40:00 pm  
Blogger ZenTiger said...

Oh, and Labour plan on increasing spending by 12 billion bikkies over the next few years.

Maybe Brash is promising NOT to increase spending by big bikkies? That would mean the bikkie tin funds would allow a partial refund, and as Rodney might say, "Let Helen's children of the State choose what type of bikkie or even go for a sausage roll."

6/05/2005 01:43:00 pm  
Blogger Adolf Fiinkensein said...

PPJ. You are way way too late. Your thicko party pres, who was the dork of the previous week,let that jeannie out of the bottle and you ain't gonna get it back in.

6/05/2005 02:45:00 pm  

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