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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Good Kiwis Learn to Budget

Cullen: When will New Zealanders learn to be fiscally responsible?
H1: What have they done this time?
Cullen: Where do I start? Not saving for their retirement; credit card debt on the rise; bought a house without allowing for interest rate rises; wingeing for a pay rise because of their overspending; not putting away for their education.
H1: Don't forget about those lazy mothers that wont take a part time job because they say they are "too busy" looking after the kids.
Cullen: Exactly. They need to learn to budget. Easy as pie.
H1: Well, thank goodness we are there to look after them. They don't know how lucky they are. Which reminds me, what are we doing for them this time around?
Cullen: Well, you know how we increased Health spending from 6.6 billion to 9.6 billion?
H1: Yeah, fat lot of difference that made.
Cullen: Yeah, I think another billion might do. We can just raise a few taxes to cover it.
H1: Good idea.
Cullen: And you know how we added 24,000 new bureaucrat jobs at a cost of over 1 billion dollars?
H1: Yeah, it now takes twice as long for those pesky opposition people to get anything under the FOI. Brilliant.
Cullen: Yeah, but I think we need to double it over the next few years. I've got a few stealth taxes up my sleeve.
H1: How's spending overall?
Cullen: Well we blew 53 billion last year. In the next 4 or 5 years we'll be spending 73 billion a year.
H1: My goodness. That sounds like a lot. Do we need to budget?
Cullen: Goodness gracious no. What kind of example would we be setting? Nah - just raise taxes.
H1: If you add another 30,000 bureaucrats, and our spending pushes 35% of GDP, don't you think the opposition will be calling for cuts?
Cullen: For every bureaucrat we add, I threaten to cut the jobs for nurses, teachers and police. Works every time. The voters lap that kind of stuff up. I had a couple of nobodys writing letters to the editor saying they welcome taxes. They understand the need for taxes, and any cuts to spending would obviously reduce government services and cause inflation. It always sounds convincing when the average voter says it.
H1: Oh, has that Jordan Carter been writing in to the Dom Post again?

Posted by ZenTiger | 6/01/2005 09:49:00 am