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Friday, June 10, 2005

Evil Overlord Handbook

The Friday night free for all has sent out a call to provide the gnomes of NZ a reasonable home to afford a measure of protection from the domestic cat and the odd passing school student. But of more serious import is GaryH theorising about what power Sir Winston might hold after the election. Time to dig out the Handbook for Evil Overlords. Whilst there would be nothing new in here for Helen to learn, this is a timely reminder for all the perils of being an Evil Overlord. Here are a few items of sage advice, but read The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord list for a full description.

# My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

# I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

# One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

# I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

# I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

# I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

# If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

# If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

# My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

Posted by ZenTiger | 6/10/2005 11:33:00 pm


Blogger Lucyna said...

Could I suggest using an 8yo instead? They seem more onto it.

6/11/2005 12:21:00 am  
Blogger Murray said...

Get a 16 year old, they know bloody EVERYTHING!

6/11/2005 12:43:00 am  
Blogger ZenTiger said...

Only until you get them drunk.

2 eight year olds?

6/11/2005 09:56:00 am  

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