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Saturday, April 09, 2005

Pet Hates

What are your pet hates? Tell us about them. Entertain us. Here are a few of mine.

1) Shop assistants who ask “Are you right?”

The standard answer is “Young lady, (yes, for some reason it’s usually girls) I’m never known to be wrong.” The poor buggers don’t know what to do next. Plan B answer is simply “I beg your pardon?” Usually they repeat “Are you right?” as they look to see if I am wearing a hearing aid. “Oh, you really mean ‘Good morning Sir, How can I help you,’ don’t you?” Uuuum, well yes. “So why the hell don’t you say that in the first place?”
(About twenty years ago I went into a Wellington department store to buy a jumper. I had forgotten to bring one. I examined the shelves of jumpers for seventeen minutes while the effeminate gum chewing shop assistant leant on the counter twenty feet away and allowed me to hear his phone conversation with whoever had been his companion the previous evening. I walked out, bought a jumper down the road and went back to the local office, phoned the store, got through to the CEO and told him about the hundred bucks which had just walked out of his store. You see, I was not that long back from Western Australia and was not yet resigned to our Kiwi standard of service.)

2) Telephone call centre gabblers who ask my name and when told “Fiinkensein,” continue addressing me as though it is my Christian name. The same idiots leave telephone messages asking me to call Anne at the call centre. They have my e-mail address but that would be too difficult. When I call back I find there are thirty-two people named Anne at the call centre.

3) Getting to the front of a long queue at the bank to be greeted by a terse “Sorry about your weight.” (It’s surprising how often that one pops up.) Standard reply “So am I. I’ve been trying to loose ten kilos for a year.” The first time I did that, the lady recoiled and actually slipped off her stool. It was wonderful. Hell, I had a great day after that.

4) Oh, then of course there’s Shaun Plunket and Mary Wilson. Nasal, whining, rude, pushy, self-opiniated ................

Posted by Adolf Fiinkensein | 4/09/2005 12:01:00 pm


Blogger Greg Stephens said...

How about adverts that can't spell correctly?
I'm not just talking about using text message language (is ne1 abl 2 red dis msg ezly?), also American spelling. My current hate is 'color'. It crops up so often is hair dye adverts.

4/09/2005 12:57:00 pm  
Blogger Lucyna said...

LOL! Adolf, I can just imagine No.3! Having experienced some of those incredibly long waits in Oz banks when they were busy merging branches, cutting staff and then harranging the people in the long queues with the "have you thought about internet banking?" or "you can post your cheques in that box over there", while my 2yo (at the time), bored out of his tree, ran back and forth between people's legs.

4/09/2005 01:28:00 pm  
Anonymous TheProphet said...

Adolf - For those shop assistants I often use

Assistant - Are you right?

Me - No I'm not actually but unless you have some sort of advanced Psychology degree you can't help me.
The blank look is priceless.

Allah protect us

4/10/2005 03:17:00 pm  
Blogger span said...

you've inspired me to have a wee rant of my own :)

4/10/2005 05:07:00 pm  

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