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Thursday, April 21, 2005

The day after yesterday

Scientists have finally computed the effects of peak oil, global warming, global dimming, CFCs, sunspots, the French Nuclear Testing, the population explosions, chicken flu, SARS, AIDS, drinking too much, second hand smoke, mobile phones, fast food, imperialism, the Exxon Valdez oil spill and the creation of excess yoghurt tubs.

The data conclusively shows the world will end the day after yesterday. Around lunchtime. Possibly earlier if an additional 6.3 million pottles of yoghurt are eaten for breakfast.

They acknowledged that there is a very small chance they could be wrong, by up to 6 hours (GMT) but thought on the strength of their scientific model and the full and total endorsement of the Greens party on the analysis of their published papers, that another research grant for $3.5 million dollars would undoubtedly lead to a breakthrough device to save the planet within 5 years.

Meanwhile a French team were close to announcing a breakthough vaccination that would resolve the looming environmental crisis.

A spokesman for the Association of Renowned Scientists For Ever Hoping Overseas and Local Environments Survive (ARSEHOLES) said the studies were all pretty much moot, as Asteroid RU12 was scheduled to hit the Earths atmosphere later this week. Probably. They cautioned citizens not to panic too early.

[ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY HUMOUR]

Posted by ZenTiger | 4/21/2005 09:42:00 am

1 Comments:

Anonymous Mike Readman said...

One of the funniest things I've read!

4/22/2005 01:25:00 am  

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