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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

How to rite proper

Many people seem to dash off a quick post, and fail to check for misteaks. Its' really annoying to some ppl, so's I thought I'd point out common errors in an effort to raise the standards:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. And finally...
35. Always check your spelling. In the your title too.

Posted by ZenTiger | 4/06/2005 07:08:00 PM

12 Comments:

Blogger ZenTiger said...

My favourite would have to be 22.

So, who here would like to see the "Joke of the Weak" as a regular feature?

Speak now, or visit Zen State for your weekly fix.

4/06/2005 09:06:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

Sorry, I think the final Tamihere post ended up above yours. I'm often guilty of Number 3, and no doubt others.

4/06/2005 09:17:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

What about eliminate quotations! I don't think that applies to the political blogosphere, unless you're outlining new ideas rather than criticising someone else.

4/06/2005 09:18:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

And 9! Damn.

4/06/2005 09:19:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

But are these 'rules' appropriate given blog writing is more a conversation than an essay?

4/06/2005 09:20:00 PM  
Blogger ZenTiger said...

Good point. OK, maybe I can come up with a "blogging etiquette" for next week?

Still, I managed to keep away from writing about errors of logic, not wanting to seem like I was deliberately targetting lefties. They can be so sensitive about that.

4/06/2005 09:36:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

No kidding. Did you see the entire blog post by some crazed leftie accusing me of posting anonymously!?!?

4/06/2005 09:58:00 PM  
Blogger Lucyna said...

No.... where?

4/06/2005 10:40:00 PM  
Blogger ZenTiger said...

Hey AL, he obviously mistook you for Anonymous Lemur, who is, as we know, an entirely different lemur.

4/06/2005 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger Antarctic Lemur said...

http://sirhumphreys.blogspot.com/2005/04/mouth-frothing-alleged.html

He's also sprung up at DPF's, claiming my admitted ignorance about Kurds in Turkey means i shouldn't criticise Minto's lackeys protesting anything vaguely to do with Iraq.

Its good to be anonymous from these weirdos who think making stuff up on the internet is appropriate.

He did use a new phrase: "head-in-sandisms". Might use it now and then.

4/06/2005 11:45:00 PM  
Anonymous TheProphet said...

The point is - blogging lets illiterate fools like me get on the net and have a rant or rave.

Allah protect us

4/07/2005 07:24:00 AM  
Blogger Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Very good Zen. I hang my head in shame as I contemplate a complete and shameless apology for all my transgressions. For penance I promose to write only to Lefite blogs for one week. Hail Jordan Hail Jordan Hail Jordan

4/07/2005 08:57:00 AM  

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